Pharoah would not let my people go...

(Told using the "Ten Plagues" mask kit we found in the Matzoh aisle at Kroger.)


So the lord turned Egypt's waters to blood, and her people were very thirsty and cranky because nobody in those days drank blood...

But Pharoah did not let my people go.


And the lord did let jumpy frogs rain down upon them, and they were kicky and clammy and made the people feel unclean though they showered many times...

But Pharoah did not let my people go.


And the lord sent a plague of lice and all the school nurses in all the land combed their hair and sent them home...

But Pharoah did not let my people go.


And the lord sent wild animals, which was fine except he sent really weird wild animals like the giant North American Sloth which the Clovis had not yet hunted to extinction, and the Egyptians were like: "What is this? Some sort of Giant Sloth?"

But Pharoah did not let my people go.


And the lord sent Anthrax, and rocked out.

But Pharoah did not let my people go.


And the lord did sent them an inexplicable crop of acne, though they were well into their thirties...

But Pharoah did not let my people go.


And the lord did pummel them with fiery ice cubes because he thought they would be scarier than regular hail...

But Pharoah did not let my people go.


And the lord did wake all the 17-year cicadas to swarm crops and rattle houses...but lo, he had to wake them early and they were quite groggy and not fully pupated and they sort of clung around making emo MySpace pages.

But Pharoah did not let my people go.

And the lord did cover the sun and the moon and the stars and the people of Egypt were left in a crushing darkness, and only saw by the light of their cell phones.

But Pharoah did not let my people go.


And the lord did threaten to kill their first-born sons, and those in the know smeared lamb's blood on their doors so this tragedy would pass over their house.

And then, only then, did Pharoah let my people go!

HAPPY PASSOVER!