Thursday, December 21, 2006

Two things I should know NOTHING about:

The first is PerezHilton.

Check, check, check

So, about once a year I reorder checks. I do it this frequently for two reasons:
First: I can't really believe that we'll need that many checks. It used to take us forever to get through a box of checks, we had MANY fewer bills to pay...And anyway, we'd likely be at a new address within a year, so why get a huge number? When I come to a reorder slip in the box, it's still a surprise.
Second: once, we had the ULTIMATE CHECKS, but we can no longer find them. They might start making them again any moment, and we don't want to commit to anything long-term, you know? The ULTIMATE CHECKS were printed to look like plain, blue safety checks that had been crumpled, torn, taped and stapled. They were very funny, and we actually had one or two people worriedly attempt to flatten them out again. What's funnier than that? The thought of it improved my bill-paying days immensely.

I spent a lot of time today looking at checks, and let me tell you, there are some doozies. For example, if you explore the category "satire," you are likely to find this amazing example:

I know you can't read it, but they're called "Pro-Life Zingers." There are four cartoons, like a man asking God where the people were who were going to save the world (from AIDS, war, hunger), and God responding that all the saviors had been aborted. Woo-wee, that's funny! And a woman at the abortion clinic looking at a dead baby in a jar and saying: "But, that's a baby, where's the bloody tissue I kept hearing about?" Ha-ha-ha, whee! Who knew there was such light-hearted anti-abortion rhetoric, and even more, who knew that it would be available for your personal banking needs?
This brings up a side question: if all of these fundies are turning out to be intensely hypocritical - that the most violently gay-hatin' preachers are violently man-lovin' men - what behavior would be "hypocritically opposite" of a furious anti-abortion stance? Child-abuse, matzoh-eating, what?
Anyway, the Pro-Life Zingers were a definite possibility.

There are, in fact, quite a few fascinating Pro-Life and Christian checks, with Psalms and relaxing swirls or landscapes (but no bloody fetuses, strangely). Balanced out, though, by a good dose of checks from PFLAG, Human Rights Campaign, and even NORML.
NORML checks? Also a contender.

What else?
Hulkmania checks? Check.
Styx checks? Check.
Pantera checks? Check.
Tim McGraw checks - where Tim McGraw looks like he's about to lay down some sweet, sweet cowboy lovin' on...Tim McGraw? Check.

All of these, were, I admit, mighty tempting. However, I wussed out and went with an old standby, recently re-released (which, of course gives me hope that next year, we'll finally be reunited with the ULTIMATE CHECKS). I don't get to see folks receive these too often, but when I have, people will actually finger the paper to see if I drew it myself.

(I am not now, and have never been, Paula R. Jamison.)

Friday, December 15, 2006

More evidence

On Fridays at 1:30, we have a staff meeting in my department. Really low key, I just try to keep up and look interested. Today, before the meeting, I began to wander around the wing looking for dessert. Seriously, I get paid good tuition to wander around looking for dessert. I saw Kathy in the conference room and she looked like she was hovering over some bottles and something that looked chocolatey.

I wandered in, said "what's going on?" Hoping she would say something about dessert. She looked flustered. "I'm trying to throw you a party." I looked down at chocolate covered-cake, my name in whipped cream, the multi-colored star candles.

"What's that for?" I think I blurted. Then backed out of the room to think hard about what the hell was going on. Oh yeah...more letters on my name. I'd forgotten I'd said anything.

The card they gave me had MSW at the end of my name. Nobody can believe I'm not going to graduation. I tell them it's family tradition...that we only attend ceremonies if oath-taking and professional fealty is involved.

In all honesty, I'm relatively embarrassed to be getting a masters degree, and a *professional* masters at that. Strangly, I really like the letters though...MSW is actually a fairly nice set.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Gettin' funky!

Finals season means a lot of my chores go unaddressed for weeks at a time. After two exams yesterday, I'm feeling much more at ease to face those tasks I've been ignoring for so long. First up? The compost - which I've just been compressing harder and harder into its little covered plastic pot to add more on top.

When I went to empty it, about half fell out easily, but the bottom few inches of indistinguishable vegetable matter had been woven together into a single moldy disk by this lovely silky organism. It seemed a shame to put it out into the cold, where it would stop its fuzzy expansion come the frosty night, but it was, as I mentioned, getting funky in here.


So - funniest thing at an office party?

The chocolate fountain.

Relative tastiness,
Extreme messiness,
Visual wierdness.

Best was that Amy and I bonded over our mutual love of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (movie, Gene Wilder version), I did my best Glupian gurgle, and I was compelled to admit how many times I've actually seen the film (at least twice a day, every day for two summer vacations - how much does this explain about me?).

Friday, December 08, 2006

It's good to be a Jew...

Conservative Jews Allow Gay Rabbis and Unions

Published: December 7, 2006

The highest legal body in Conservative Judaism, the centrist movement in worldwide Jewry, voted yesterday to allow the ordination of gay rabbis and the celebration of same-sex commitment ceremonies.

Boruch Hashem.