Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Steady, ready, go!

We finally moved the gas line yesterday. That's right - gas lines...that are for some reason are not covered in any of our home repair books. Like it's rocket science or something? It's not, it's ridiculously simple, but scarey in that way that things are when you don't know if you'll live through the repair job. This is how I felt when we put a new breaker in the main box. We were all excited that we could actually add a line, and then it turns out when you open the box, the service lugs are continually hot. That is, you're fiddling around (in the dark) a cramped little space with these shiny, attractive bolts threatening to zap you so hard you are inextricably joined with the opposite foundation wall. I was gonna do it, but then I started crying. I mean, really crying with whimpery anger from the fear of it. Alexis made me get down, it was totally lame.

I'm not sayin' you're gonna die or nothin', but you'd better have a friend with a board ready to knock your ass away from that power source. The electrician who worked on the service drop instructs her assistants to pull the ladder out from under her - that the 15-foot fall would be totally worth all that life she'd lose otherwise.

So, gas turns out to be pretty dang easy, and even a bit less scary than electric (in the breaker box electric, not changing outlets and stuff...that's easy enough that we have the dogs do it now.) Though we did spend a fair amount of time looking for "The Idiot's Guide to NOT Esploding" at Home Depot. We figured that book would cover all the good stuff - how to not esplode natural gas lines, how not to esplode yourself with big electricity, how to not esplode bags of fine sawdust, and avoiding that diet Coke/Mentos thing. I'm telling you, that book would come in handy-dandy.

I think we're all good with the gas line, but I'm suspicious - I've done the soap-bubble thing, and I've hung Kordax from the basement rafters in a mesh bag. I don't think a small gas leak would kill him, rather I'm expecting it would lead to some super-luper powers...like the ability to gnaw through concrete, or get me out of speeding tickets. Right now, his single shocking power is projectile pooping. I'm serious - if you prime him with a potato chip, he can poop on surfaces more than 8 feet away. It's startling, really.
Kris's Photo - BEHOLD THE CUTE...and he's coming to get you.

He's gonna fuck your shit up.