Saturday, August 06, 2005

A sweet reminder

Just in case you've forgotten -

The table, me drunk already, and the killing crew off doing their dirty work.


A hush will fall, all over the world,

As all good people gather together to celebrate...


FSQ (The Four Questions of Shanukah):

First Question: On all other nights, we may eat lobster mixed with other foods if we're lucky (like in a nice cream sauce over pasta) why on this night do we all get our own lobster?

On this night, we acknowledge that we are all of us deserving of luxury and abandon. We use this time to celebrate ourselves in the most ostentatious and over-the-top way possible. There can be no mistake when we scream to the world and to each other: "I am worth everything you can imagine and more. I am priceless, I am resplendent. Rejoice that I am here with you and give me lobster for it is my right!"

Second Question: On most nights, we avoid dipping our foods into melted butter even once. Why is it that tonight we may double-dip our food and our fingers and ourselves into bowls of melted butter?

Tonight we forget the smothering burden society has placed over us in trying to control our health and our bodies. We forget that we are supposed to be stoic before cholesterol, and instead revel in the wonder of being freed from pseudo scientific nutrition quackery (remember always that the mystical food pyramid was created to prop up American agribusiness).

Third Question: On most nights, I am responsible for feeding myself. What can I
bring tonight?

Vodka, Pickles, Soft French Cheeses...all are acceptable, however, I will be providing most of these things myself. If you are planning on eating a lobster, we will ask you to chip in for him (I will try to spend around $10-$13 per).

Fourth Question: On most nights, I eat dinner on my couch in my own home, basking in the flickering glow of "Friends" reruns. Where will we eat tonight?

In our home, of course!


Next year in Jerusalem!

(Google it, you goy.)