Friday, August 26, 2005

Buying Organic

I buy organic products when I can...unbleached, unmodified, and underrepresented. And I've been worried about tampons recently. I mean, that's a lot of pesticide and dioxin to have next to such a gullible membrane. So, on my last shopping trip, I decided to head over the the hippie products and get meself a box of organics.

Now, normal tampons are sold in sizes - well, not sizes per se (um, guys, please), but capacity levels...depending on whether one is a dainty teaspoon of a girl, or a gushing river of womanhood. Why do you think they call them SUPER? (On a side note, if I had a tampon brand, the sizes would be "Piddlin," "Middlin," and "Yowza.")

So, imagine my surprise when the organic tampons only come in one size -


I mean, these are some damn small tampons. These are tampons for the most anemic, Patchouli-scented, straw-pleated-skirt-wearin' among us. These are tampons for women who have not tasted the sweet copper tang of red meat in many, many years. These are tampons for women who bleed tiny, dense, iron-rich drops, and have to spend the rest of the week in a hammock mainlining kale smoothies. In short, these are not the tampons for me.