Saturday, October 30, 2004

Time is not on my side

It slips past me when I'm not looking. Here I am, innocently exploring the dirtier parts of the internet, and suddenly it's getting dark out, my hands are wet and I don't know where I am. The dogs have been sighing for hours and I've yelled at them repeatedly but they still seem morose.

I agreed to go work the polls in Livonia, Michigan, trying to convince these shit-covered Michiganders to not pass a constitutional amendment taking away what little rights my 10-year relationship currently affords me. The last thing I want to do is spend 8 hours (you heard me), smiling at people who want me to not exist. Other people get angry at this, I find it more successful to turn that anger inwards till it becomes a nice mush of self-loathing and self-destructive behaviors. Mmmm...self-loathing.

Suffice it to say, it would have been behoovious for me to be working harder on my paper today, but I find it almost physically impossible to write more than one or two days before an assignment is due. Funny, that.

Other than the frequent waves of fear that are passing over me at another four years of evil, I am trying to find this election year kind of fun. You know, cider and donuts fun. The kind of fun when your dad let you pull the levers in the voting booth, the kind of fun when you line up with thirty dirty hicks in a town hall, everyone smelling more or less like manure. The kind of fun when its your first election and your candidate wins, and you can't believe the kind of power you hold.

Not like this year...this year I looked at the Green Party website and cried because I couldn't vote for them. This year I know that in a group of three people, two of them think I'm threatening their marriage. This year, I can't forsee hope on the horizon, don't see the economy recovering, don't see the value of my house rising, don't see a world developing in which I would raise a family. I'm thinking it's time to move to Canada at long last.